Things of Wonder
Death presents a threshold
Death ends so many things
Things we’ve grown used to
Things cherished and held dear
Dear spirit of our departed one
Dear moments that are forever gone
Gone and still a part of who I am
Gone like his voice and his smile
Smile that warms my soul still
Smile that says to take a chance
Chance on making some changes
Chance on a new way of life
Life cannot always stay the same
Life continues and life shifts
Shifts with each birth and death
Shifts with closings and openings
Openings of places that were closed
Openings of my heart and soul
Soul still aching with fresh loss
Soul thrumming with new potential
Potential now that wasn’t seen before
Potential to reach for the as-yet unknown
Unknown moments unknown opportunities
Unknown vistas lie waiting for me to explore
Explore life in ways I wouldn’t have chosen
Explore myself in this new after time
Time for learning who I am without him
Time when my being is growing and becoming
Becoming what I will be not as wife but as widow
Becoming the woman his love helped to shape
Shape of possibilities coalesce all around me
Shape of a life that is still largely unformed
Unformed days unfurl all around me
Unformed future will be written by my now
Now is the time to embrace what awaits me
Now is the time to stand tall in love’s strength
Strength of a man who once walked beside me
Strength of a love of more than two decades
Decades of growth of joy and of sorrow
Decades of living and preparing for this
This time of exploration rising around me
This future built upon a stable foundation
Foundation of all he gave to our love
Foundation for all my future days
Days of tears and days of laughter
Days of grief and days of wonder
Wonder just where these days will lead me
Wonder will lead and I will follow
I’m tired tonight, and scrambling to finish before midnight. You see, it was a day of embracing new possibilities and creating a new life built upon the foundations of the old.
I was up early to read at my second-ever meet the author event, promoting my Pushcart Prize nominated short story, “Being Colette”, and the other stories in the Dark and Bitter anthology. This one was at an assisted-living facility, with a very engaged audience who asked lots of interesting questions.
On the way there, I noticed an animal shelter. I’ve recently decided to adopt a canine companion – for myself, and for the dog Lise will be adopting soon.
So, on the way home, I stopped – and met Nadine, a young pit bull terrier with an amazing grin and a sweet personality. We hit it off as well as I had with our late pittie mix, Corki. About an hour later, my fee was paid, and, once she’s been spayed and had a bit of time to recover, Nadine (who will be known as Magnolia, Noli for short) will be coming home with me.
Tomorrow, Jeremiah and I are setting up my new bed (I’ve had a hard time sleeping in the one Jim and I shared, and in which he died).
Life is moving on, and I am changing as I open to new possibilities.
Join us again tomorrow as we discuss preparing life and home for the terminally ill.