Apart to Soar
Banding with one apart
Apart from all that we are
Apart as we go forth as three
Three alone without our fourth
Three drawn into one fractured whole
Whole in the bonds of friendship
Whole in the reality of our family
Family splintered at its heart
Family rent and broken in its soul
Soul taken from us against our will
Soul departed too soon and too far
Far from the days when we all lived
Far from that day when we all laughed
Laughed until our faces ached
Laughed until joyful tears flowed
Flowed with our lovely chaotic joy
Flowed from us into little girl and boy
Boy grown now into something not-boy
Boy who carries himself like a man
Man grown from all that we lost
Man who is the proof of all that remains
Remains of the father continue in his son
Remains sweet gentle silly wise and kind
Kind to his mother the grieving wife
Kind to a sister who lost father and friend
Friend who was the gifter of Hess trucks
Fishing buddy and giver of daring genes
Genes she wears boldly even now
Genes that bring her a fiery strength
Strength we all need now in our sorrow
Strength like that which connects
Connects them to each other and to me
Connects us all to the one we mourn
Mourn for the spirit that’s faded away
Mourn for many an emptier tomorrow
Tomorrow will dawn still and we’ll be here
Tomorrow we’ll still have one another
Another chance to be here with our grief
Another day to treasure the memories
Memories of moments tiny and huge
Memories that tear and those that heal
Heal the gaping void he left behind
Heal with the love he lavished and shared
Shared pain is better than that borne alone
Shared joys swell and grow and soar
Soar to a place perhaps where he remains
Soar and lift us all to a place of peace
I’m running a day late with my B post…I’m very much winging it as I find my way back to a regular blogging routine after the traumatic season of Jim’s illness and death, which followed a season of intense activity as we worked together to build his hot sauce business…
I’m also diving back into other things, like building my writing career, and, to that end, I spent a chunk of yesterday afternoon in an online master class for author platform building. It kind of threw me off my planned schedule, but I’m not sorry, because I learned a tremendous amount, and renewed my commitment to myself and my craft. Those are worth a bit of a kink in my posting…
But that’s not really what I wanted to talk about today.
As I explore the Alphabet of Grief, I am profoundly grateful for the deep connection our family shared. Jim’s death tore a gaping hole in the fabric of our lives – as individuals, and as a unit. But the close bonds we share have allowed us to band together. The kids and I together, each of them and me, and the two of them as siblings facing the loss of their dad.
Without these bonds, I don’t think we’d be nearly as okay as we are. Without the bonds we all shared with Jim – who was my best friend and Accomplice in life; who was Miah’s male role model and TV buddy; and who was wrapped around the finger of a daughter who inherited his love of the adrenaline rush of risk-taking – I know we would be poorer.
I’ve tried to capture the nature of our loss, and what we have left to build upon, in this blitz poem.
I’ll leave you with an image of us all, together, laughing in lovely chaos. This was our life, and is the foundation of what we are.
Come back tomorrow, when we’ll explore what Cancer Consumes – and what it can’t devour.
You can find other beautiful B posts here!