Well, by the time I finish this post, it won’t be Saturday or my birthday anymore, but, if we were having coffee, I’d tell you that yesterday was both.
It was also a rather momentous day, in small but personally monumental ways.
You see, I went out on a limb – in a good way.
After months of putting it off, coming to play for a bit here and there, and then going away again, I’ve launched my Patreon page.
I think I was more afraid of doing well with it, of having people I know, and maybe even people I don’t know yet, offer funds to support my writing dreams. It’s not that I don’t think I’m worth it….not exactly.
It’s bound up in a lot of things said by my parents when I was growing up. Things like “don’t act conceited” that make it tricky to go ahead and “toot my own horn.” Things like attitudes of prosperous people ingrained through my early life. “Rich people are just greedy.”
Since I began taking my writing seriously, and building very gradually (and somewhat hesitantly) toward a writing career, I’ve found that I’m more at the mercy of those old ideas than I’d like to be.
But yesterday I turned 48, and it’s past time to find the way to let them go, replace them with better thoughts – thoughts that can lead to more prosperity – for myself and my family, who have had a very lean year, and so that I’ll have more resources to share with others.
More than that, though – I’ll be finally proving that, when my father was wrong when he insisted that if I didn’t want to be a journalist, I’d only be “just existing,” and that wanting to earn a living with my writing was only a “pipe dream.” I don’t want to prove it to him –
I need to prove it to myself.
It may seem like I’m going out on a limb – but, really, I’m not.
I’m claiming my life, and the skills I’ve built over decades of writing, the vast majority offered for free to anyone who wanted it. I will still offer that; I love my fan fiction community, and sharing generously.
It’s scary-exciting, to have done this thing.
But it was the right thing to do.
Have you ever felt that way?
This post has been a joint venture for Part-Time Monster’s #weekendcoffeeshare, and Linda G.Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday (#SoCS), where the weekly prompt was “limb.”