Posted in #atozchallenge, Blog Hops and Fests, Nature and Outdoors, Parenting, poetry, Travel, Unschooling, Weekly Features

Reality and Relating – #atozchallenge for April 21, 2017

Slices of An Unschooling Life Theme Reveal Post

Today’s Poetry Type:


            Lise, at 4, kisses a frog and the National Zoo in Washington D.C. 
            Lise, at 4, kisses a frog and the National Zoo in Washington D.C. 

What’s Real

What’s real

What’s fantasy

Honesty can obscure

The artistry of relating

Doses of fantasy are essential

To lace the ties that deeply bind

Accepting each as is


What’s real

Lise, at 11, poses in the Yaddo rose garden - the natural beauty glowing in my life.
Lise, at 11, poses in the Yaddo rose garden – the natural beauty glowing in my life.

One of the very first pieces of parenting advice I ever received came while I was still pregnant for my first child. It was delivered by our midwife.

However much you think you know who this baby is, you don’t.”

I thought I understood her at the time – but I didn’t. I thought my baby was mine to mold and shape; that, if I did everything just right, I could assure that he would be “a good baby,” then, later, “a good boy.”

When he was seven, I read this life-changing advice:

In other words, our kids are who they are, as much as we are who we are. The manner in which we raise them does help to shape them, but it’s not the way we might think, if we follow the advice contained in the mainstream parenting magazines. We shape them instead by how well we see them, how well we honor those things which are immutable parts of their nature, how well we help them to become, not the people we want them to be, but instead, the best possible versions of the people they already are.

It creates a very different type of parent/child interaction. Rather than a determined structure of rules and punishments, chores and required activities, we have relationships. When there’s friction, we do what we can to work it out. We accept that some things take time – children, even older ones, aren’t adults. They don’t always have the same ability to predict consequences or control their impulses that we do, as their parents, and they don’t yet have the scope and perspective only age and experience can bring…

 Our Warrior Boy gets primitive at  Unschoolers Rock the Campground.
 Our Warrior Boy gets primitive at  Unschoolers Rock the Campground.

But they are also, in many ways, far more capable than I expect.

More – living this way, accepting the children as they are, allows me to see them and support them better in these last years of childhood, when they are growing and changing at an incredible pace. By focusing on seeing them and relating to them as they are, I’m better able to surf along with the rapid changes, and treat them in a way that doesn’t insult or unnecessarily hamper them.

The very best part?

I get to know these two remarkable people, and be a part of their lives!

Do you see your children, or your idea of them?

Are there ways you can look deeper, and relate to the child you have?

Raring to read more rippin’ good R posts? Click here, or the icon below, to roll on down the Blogging From A-Z April Challenge roadway!

Return here tomorrow, where you’ll find storms and skeletons!

                                With a boy who is absolutely himself.
                                With a boy who is absolutely himself.


I am myself. I own my life, and live with three other people who own theirs. My intention is to do only those things that bring me joy, and to give myself wholly to those things I do. Writing has been my passion throughout my life, and this will become the home for my writing life...because it brings me great joy!

Take a chance! Type something in this box, and see what happens! =D

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.