Posted in fantasy, Kifo Island Chroincles, Sea Changes (KIC #!), Weekly Features, WIPpet Wednesday, writing, Writing Sample

She Floated: Sea Changes (Kifo Island Chronicles Volume 1) for WIPpet Wednesday

Welcome to WIPpet Wednesday, a weekly blog hop which encourages writers to move WIPs (works-in-progress) to publication by posting excerpts related to the date.We’re led by the capable fingers and nimble mind of Emily Witt. 

Hi there!

Did I visit anyone (or everyone?) last week? I think I did.

Let’s say I did. Let’s say I’ll be able to do it again, too…and let’s also say that, if I didn’t visit you, and you shared on the WIPpet linky, I’m sorry I missed you. It’s been a week of delving deeply into Many Things, and we’re still making the adjustment from my Accomplice working dinner shifts to breakfast and lunch ones, as he settles into this new job and the new routines that go with it.

But all that aside, we’re here today for WIPpet Wednesday, so let’s dive in, shall we?

We’re still with Ava Garcia in Sea Changes, from my Kifo Island series.

Ava was a constant revelation during the writing of her story. Her struggle goes beyond the issue of whether people should be allowed to choose the manner of their death. She encapsulates my personal attitudes about how children deserve to be treated. It’s an honor to share her voice with you!

The Premise:

In advocating for a dying girl seeking emancipation from controlling parents, can an overburdened young woman and a lonely young man find a future together?

Note:

This passage has been rough-edited (trust me, you don’t want to see the muddled-beyond-hope original version! I’ll be creating a more structured revision plan once the 24 scenes pass through my local crit group (proceeding very slowly), and I’ve completed Holly Lisle’s How to Revise Your Novel class.

Your input is gratefully accepted, and might go a long way toward making this a better novel!

Context:

 

Ava presses her luck.

Warning: Her father has a potty mouth. You have been warned – NSFW!

WIPpet Math:

  • Today is February 8, 2017

  • I used the digits of the month and day, subtracting 2 from 8 for 6 short paragraphs.

She Floated

But she wasn’t there, and he wasn’t here. She was thousands of miles away, and she was going to be dead soon enough. Out of his reach forever. For the first time in her life, she could say exactly what she wanted, and he couldn’t do a damned thing to her.

“Well, that’s too bad, Papi. I’m not telling you. No one will. The confidentiality agreements here are what you would call iron-clad.” Why was she doing this?

A memory of her dream. Because she was following the bubbles, and the bubbles were leading her. She floated; her father couldn’t touch her here.

Are you – yes, freak, I mean you! – fucking my daughter?”

She was drowning in the dream, wasn’t she? Wasn’t that why she needed to follow the bubbles?

Sir, I assure you -”

What assurance will Donovan make?

How will Ava’s father receive it?

What will Ava do?

What happens next?

Next week, we may get more answers…

Want more WIPpets? Click the button below, and even add your own date-related excerpt if you’re so inclined!

Author:

I am myself. I own my life, and live with three other people who own theirs. My intention is to do only those things that bring me joy, and to give myself wholly to those things I do. Writing has been my passion throughout my life, and this will become the home for my writing life...because it brings me great joy!

4 thoughts on “She Floated: Sea Changes (Kifo Island Chronicles Volume 1) for WIPpet Wednesday

  1. He is so hideous! I think even Donovan would be pushed to let that go.
    (Sorry for late comment, but I made it before the next Wednesday. 😉 )

  2. Ugh, gross. He gets worse and worse, doesn’t he? And this is just one conversation. Part of me is now hoping that Donovan lets go of all professionalism and gives Ava’s father what for.

  3. I’m with Fallon. I never understood the idea of instantly seeing sexual behavior between the genders, no matter the circumstances.
    That said… the first version I read did make his reasons for this jump a bit more clear. In this bit, it’s not clear that Ava had anything conscious to do with it.

  4. Ugh. I think I’d have to take a shower just from being around that man. The fact that’s the first assumption he jumps to. shudder Isn’t Ava like 12?(or am I remembering that wrong?)

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