Posted in #RevofKindness, Blogfest Entries, Challenges and Contests, Just for Fun!, Life Writing, Parenting, Weekend Coffee Share, Writing in Freedom

Taco Bell Kindness: #RevofKindness and #weekendcoffeeshare

If we were having coffee… 

  • I’d open the door wide for you, and excuse myself if I sneezed. I’d apologize for my sniffliness. Today is intermittently rainy, but yesterday and the days before – they were dry, and the pollen count was very high, as evidenced by the coating of yellow my forest-green Subaru was wearing even. I never used to have a problem with local pollen, but moving around the country and then returning seem to have made me sensitive. I’m suffering, but feeling better after an allergy pill, and the rain is helping. I’m not exactly at my best, and I’ll do you the kindness of not getting so close I run the risk of sneezing on you or your drink.

If we were having coffee…

  • I’d want to talk with you about kindness. Is that something you spend lots of time thinking about? I do. You see, I want to be kind. I want to raise kind children. I wish, often, that I was kinder than I am, while at the same time, I know I’m far kinder today than I once even a year or two ago. Kindness is a skill, and a type of mindfulness. It’s hard, if not impossible, to be kind if I’m not paying enough attention to myself and the world and people around me to have some idea of what kindness is, for them.
  • And that’s important to me. I was raised by a mother who often quoted the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

If we were having coffee…

  • I’d tell you that I’m not very fond of the Golden Rule. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but I have my reasons.
  • Treating others the way I want to be treated assumes everyone wants to be treated the same way I do. There’s a certain mindlessness in that. We’re all different. We all have our preferences, dislikes, idiosyncrasies, and personal histories. For instance, my abusive childhood makes me very sensitive to body language cues that often precipitated parental attacks. When I encounter these as innocent gestures from others who’ve never hurt or threatened me, I go on alert. But I know that others don’t feel that way. I also love hugs, but have a close friend who doesn’t enjoy them, and so I choose to “hug” her by NOT hugging her.

If we were having coffee…

  • I’d tell you that I strive to treat others as THEY want to be treated. Respect and dignity are pretty universal, for everyone – which means that you won’t see me scooping up a baby just learning to walk, or demanding that my children hug someone if they’d prefer not to, or treating everything any adult might have to say as inherently more valuable than anything any child might have to say.

If we were having coffee…

  • I’d tell you I changed my plans this week to accommodate my childrens’ desires and my own, and that I was realistic about what I was willing to do and when I was willing to do it. My son wanted to go to Taco Bell, but advanced the idea just before rush hour on a Thursday afternoon. We happen to live in a rural area ten miles from the nearest Taco Bell, which is in the heart of an area known for its congestion, and I was in the midst of several projects.
  • My teen isn’t old enough to drive. If I’d refused him, or agreed and been stressed by the traffic snarls, I might have taken it out on my kids, other drivers, or the employees at the restaurant. Instead, I suggested that, if he was willing to go earlier in the day on Friday, we could swim first, then get lunch. I also decided to stop at Panera, which has a summer salad I love.
  • It might seem like I was putting him off, and, in a sense, I was. But it wasn’t done in an evasive way. I had valid reasons for wanting to wait, and I added value by including the swim. When my daughter wanted bakery treats at Panera, I readily agreed. And I was able to set aside my work, because I knew the outing was coming, and that the kids would sleep post-swim, giving me the time to focus wholly on it.
  • I think it’s better, and far kinder, to negotiate, as much as possible, a solution that works for everyone. Many people never learn conflict resolution skills. To me, that’s a vitally important part of helping my children learn the art of kindness – seeing others’ desires as valid, and looking for a solution that works for all involves.

If we were having coffee…

  • I’d say that it’s getting late, and I see you getting antsy. I’ll walk you to the door, and mention that this post is a combination #RevofKindness and #weekendcoffeeshare entry. Click the links for more great posts!

Author:

I am myself. I own my life, and live with three other people who own theirs. My intention is to do only those things that bring me joy, and to give myself wholly to those things I do. Writing has been my passion throughout my life, and this will become the home for my writing life...because it brings me great joy!

5 thoughts on “Taco Bell Kindness: #RevofKindness and #weekendcoffeeshare

    1. I see your point, but think it would be even better if we treated others as THEY wish to be treated – and more if we started that with newborns and carried it on throughout life, to our very eldest.

      But, each person who DOES choose to do this makes the world that much sweeter and kinder for all of us.

      Thanks for stopping by! =)

  1. I love reading your posts 🙂 I agree with your version of the golden rule and teach my kids the importance of treating others the way they want to be treated. That is the golden rule to us 😉 You’re right, not everyone has learned or acquired good conflict resolution skills. Sounds like you’ve done a great job refining yours. Always nice to stop by! 🙂

    1. I’m learning. Not perfectly, and there’s plenty to learn still.

      It’s my hope that my kids will start out their adult lives (which aren’t all that far off, for either of them) with considerably more skills in that area than I had.

      It’s delightful to have you visit! ❤

      1. From all that I’ve read and the conversations we’ve had, it sounds like you are well on your way to ensuring that’s the case ❤

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