Posted in Blogfest Entries, Just for Fun!, Life Writing, My Poetry, Stream of Consciousness Saturday, Travel, Writing in Freedom

“Indescribable”: #SoCS for 11/14/15

This post is part of Linda G.Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday meme -an unedited stream of consciousness piece that ties into the weekly prompt: ‘indescribable’, as a word or a topic…I opted for both.

It’s been a busy day. I shut down my computer a bit after 6am – the new moon had me writing through the night, and I’m now only five scenes from the end of my first draft of Sea Changes (KIC#3). I was up at 11, to take my daughter to her cousin’s zorbing birthday party. Soon after I finish this post, I will be heading out to my friend Lizette’s house for a NaNo writing party (and I need to remember to stop at the store for something sweet to share).

Amidst these varying facts, my thoughts are whirling and circling and moving in intriguing directions…which led to today’s SoCS writing….

 

Indescribable

I’ve felt it all my life, as a current that runs beneath the surface, where most people look, listen, and live.

There’s something under there.

Like the Loch Ness monster, maybe, or a thermocline that offers up a sudden rush of warm water while I’m scuba diving. Like the little fish that nibbled my legs in the lake at Pinewoods Lodge Campground, last summer – or that brush of hard curved surface that brushed past my fingers in that murky, sandy water – was it a snapping turtle? We’d seen a baby one on the beach, the year before. I even have pictures. So, where there are baby snapping turtles, there must be mommy and daddy ones to fertilize and lay the eggs.

But I’ll never know for certain if that’s what I touched. The answer lies in the depths. Like in the time I heard a splash along the Firehole River in Yellowstone National Part, when we still lived and worked there, and had no children other than one fluffy little black and tan puppy with sky blue eyes.

I looked to where the sound had come from, and saw – nothing.

For a quarter of a breath or so.

And then my reality shifted.

Forever.

Indescribably.

I’d tell you exactly what I saw, and the emotions and shifting that it evoked in me – but I can’t. The experience is too high, too wide, too deep, too profound, too everything, to be put into words.

I can only fall back on language, because, sadly, I’ve yet to master the Vulcan mind meld, and I didn’t have a camera with me, only a puppy needing to pee. I’m not the type who can sculpt or paint or quilt what I saw –

So I painted the image with words, but it only touched the surface of what I lived, in that moment, when the surface of the water parted to reveal a new truth –

From my poem Firehole River Splash, written October 17, 2012.

Something rising from the water

Something alive –

The moment crystal and infinite

White feathered head

Yellow eye meeting mine without

Hesitation or fear.

I am the one who does not belong

Here.

Rising, rising, rising…

Shedding

Rainbows of water

Powerful wings spread and lift

Beak opens in a fierce cry

Away from the trees on the

Opposite bank comes

Eager answer.

Rising, rising, rising…

And now, the talons

Clutching the small, arching trout

Who could not avoid

The bald eagle

death

that

dove

out

of

the

sky.

Oh, yes. Those are pretty words, and they do evoke an image. Only thing is, like many of the most momentous moments in a life, it’s not complete, and can never be, I can’t give you the soul of this, any more than I can the exact impact of looking into the faces of my newborns, or knowing I was in love with my Accomplice, or how it felt to watch him cradle our dead infant son in his arms for over an hour, unwilling or unable to let him go, because that would mean never holding him again.

The moments that most change me always seem to be indescribable, undefinable, beyond what can be expressed in any human means other than the invisible, indelible, indecipherable ways that they change and shape me into something other than what I might have been without them.

It’s ironic, but I write to touch these moments and experiences, to attempt to understand them, crystallize them into something I can share, as though they are precious gems I can hold upon my palm….when, in truth, like a snowflake, they are swiftly gone, with my wordless memory of them the only record that they ever existed to begin with…

Paradoxical, that I use something as concrete and unbending as language in my attempt to fit the shape and scope of what lies beneath, and that I do it in the full knowledge that it can never, ever work…

Because sharing a glimpse of the indescribable, a tracing of its shadow, is still preferable to simply allowing it to pass by unnoticed and unremarked- upon.

Have you ever experienced the indescribable? Tried to give it shape and substance in the corporeal world? Did you find a way? I’d love to know!

Have you tried stream-of consciousness writing?

Come read more, or join in – there’s just a few simple rules.

Check out the #SoCS hashtag,

or click here!

Author:

I am myself. I own my life, and live with three other people who own theirs. My intention is to do only those things that bring me joy, and to give myself wholly to those things I do. Writing has been my passion throughout my life, and this will become the home for my writing life...because it brings me great joy!

9 thoughts on ““Indescribable”: #SoCS for 11/14/15

  1. Great post on “indescribable.” I am thinking about your question. Some are more gifted that other in their ability to describe the indescribable, (which seems like an oxymoron). But it seems to me that the word says it all, and the scenes in your post confirm it, that there are not words to describe such things.

    1. Interesting that an oxymoron such as ‘decribing the indescribable’ should be the thing that brought me to writing, and that keeps me here.

      When I was seven, back in the mid 1070s., a grademate was sexually molested and murdered. She lived not far from me, and was found naked not far from my home.

      We weren’t close or even friendly – our last interaction had been unpleasant for both of us.

      The adults weren’t at all forthcoming about what had happened. I got bits and pieces from the news, but nothing I really understood, beyond ‘dead’, and ‘naked’.

      That’s when I wrote my first book, which was mostly a stick=figure representation of what I imagined. It was my first true attempt to make sense of what went so far beyond words, or even my understanding.

      I didn’t show that book to anyone, though. It felt too private.

      1. That would be so horrible and I can see why you needed to express your feelings even though the adults at that time were not aware. My writing often reflects things I care about or feel strongly about. I still think there are things that are indescribable however at least for me.

  2. I think the only real comfort is to know that we all indeed have felt the indescribable. And it’s true that, though fleeting, many of those experiences are what make us who we are.

    1. Since I was six, and realized that other people were living lives exactly as real as my own, I’ve longed to share deeply and wholly. Maybe that’s why I have such an -ahem – fascination with Vulcans. The idea of becoming one with another, so that every thought, memory, and emotion could be shared just as they were/are experienced….

      It’s also why I write. To catch the ghosts and slivers of these tiny, melting moments before they sink into nothing, to offer mine up, and hold my hands cupped to receive yours…

      I do believe it’s these small potent moments, taken in or allowed to pass unnoticed, that shape us.

      To the indescribable in all our lives! ❤

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