Posted in A Round of Words in 80 Days, Life Writing, Parenting, Round Two 2015, ROW80 2015, Story a Day May Challenge

No Golden Ring: May 10, 2015

ROWing on through the deeps…

 

Do you know that feeling of forgetting something important? The way it niggles and tickles at memories, shifts your mood, makes the obstacles in life loom a little higher, and the summits feel a little less inspirational and uplifting, until, all at once, you realize what it is?

That’s me, this week.

  • Maybe I should have known right off, when four out of my seven #StaD stories this week had to do with babies.

  • Or when the ‘museum image’ prompt led me straight to a rocking chair that presented itself to me as a cradle….

  • Or when I realized that it’s Mother’s Day week, and I’m the mom of two healthy children- and one who died at 12 days old.

No matter what we might wish, some things are harder to live with than others. Some days, however joyous, carry an edge of raw pain that never truly fades…and that’s part of living. I’ve laughed today, and cried, and felt both nurtured and very alone…so I took my living children out for tacos and ice cream, and we bought milk and frozen pizza and cupcakes and a beefsteak tomato and pansies like my Gramma and Grandpa had when I was little…

Sometimes, you don’t get the golden ring – but you still get to ride the carousel, even if it makes you dizzy.

My four most recent Story a Day tales:

  • Apples and Peanut Butter:  Just a sweet little piece about pregnancy cravings and graphic novels….
  • Unsettled: When reality defies logic, unsettled emotions can overrule even Vulcan discipline.
  • Phoenix Time:  Something very strange is happening with Trip and T’Pol…
  • Something… Trip knows there’s something very wrong with T’Pol, and he searches for clues in her quarters.

My updated Round 2 goalsand 2015 goals.

Color-coding key:

  • Goal attained (for the session, or the round) = blue with overstrike.

  • Goal in progress (for the session or the round) = green.

  • Goal-in-waiting (for the round) = red.

Writing:

Continue Kifo Island Chronicles Series:

  • Each day in May, engage in playful StaD exploration of this world, using all or part of the day’s prompts for any stories or fragments that appear. 3 /9 done. Sunday; Monday’s and Tuesday’s percolating. Next up: I’ve decided to delete this goal -it doesn’t feel right for this story, or my mood. I want to give myself to my “official” project.
  • Generations (KIC#2): Continue writing a minimum of 1 scene/week; will be a back burner project till June. Scene 3/24 complete; 6,481/~50Kwords. Percolating scene 4. Next up: Keep going…
  • Sea Changes: (KIC#3): Complete all planning and plotting; ready to go for JuNoWriMo. This will happen piecemeal, for now…beginning with rereading all background material and stories for the POV characters.

Draft 31 Story a Day May Trip and T’Pol stories. Use prompts.

  • 9/31 stories drafted, and over 22,000 new words since the beginning of May, with the prompts taking me in directions I wouldn’t have gone, else; notes for 15/31 stories transcribed/revised. Created list for the undeveloped ideas breeding like tribbles; will continue to update roughly daily. This is my primary focus until the challenge is completed; focusing on transcriptions that are candidates for the current day’s prompt. Next up, drafting remaining 22 daily stories, completing note transcription/development for remaining 16 ideas, and adding to idea list.
Nautilus shell rocker – a cradle in my story, “Unsettled” – which is exactly how I’m feeling right now.

Editing:

  • Complete revisions for “Slow Jazz Awakening” and submit. Rock Your Revisions;. Highlighting/comments complete for 16/16 scenes. Began general to-do list for next revision pass -will continue organically, from here. Delete’ snippets to IDIC slush pile, tagging those destined for future stories; 4/16 scenes complete. Next up: Complete Step One of the general plan…move all ‘delete’ snippets for remaining 12 scenes.

  • Move “Peach Liqueur Love” through Step 3 of Sarah Selecky’s Deep Revision exercises. Reread original story, early revision notes, and first two completed exercises. Next up: Reread relevant exercises; and do Exercise #3.

Blogging:

  • Complete all sponsor visits on time; visit 3 other blog hop and challenge participants each day, on average. 0/3 Wednesday; way more than three the rest of the week. On average, I’m ahead. Next up: cement this into habit country by targeting likelier days/times for visiting.
  • Clean up/update blog sidebar. Updated challenges; explored some new widget ideas. Next up: Play with some widgets! =D
  • Beginning May 1, post for StaD each day – a story; a snippet, a story spark; or an essay on progress or process. All caught up, and will stay that way. Next up: Continue, and develop some new posts…like for Mindful Monday
A little bit tangled, emotionally speaking…

Hometending:

  • Continue with hometending. At least 5 days weekly; include decluttering and yard projects minimum of 3 days. 5/5 days; 4/3 yard/declutter. Moderate yard/general hometending/declutter/laundry on Wednesday; mellow rest of week. Tired and emotionally tangled…and I fell on the dog. Next up: Continue this trend, paying attention to my own needs for activity and rest.

Lifetending:

  • Continue one-on-one time with all beloveds; online and in-person writerly socialization; time with friends; social media. Blogs and comments; a bit of Facebook; hangout time with each of my beloveds, although it was a week with some friction. Next up: More of this – not all moments are ‘perfect’.
  • Expand and extend in ways that feel natural and challenging without forcing. Try two new things each week. 0/2 new things. Or maybe one – that I allowed my feelings to direct my activity level. Next up….we’ll see!

Selftending:

  • Continue physical activity and exercise – 3 times/week at minimum. 3/3: Yardtending/decluttering Sunday. T’ai chi and lots of walking on Tuesday. Next up: More moving; more tending; more exercise; more t’ai chi.
  • Attend t’ai chi weekly. Add one at-home practice move per week. This week’s move: Cloud Hands. Watched two videos. No actual practice. Next up: Practice. Because practice makes better.
  • Meditate/Intentions journal twice weekly. 2 /2: Meditation; t’ai chi. 0 /2: Intentions Journal. Next up: Cement meditation habit; catch up with Intentions journal.

Blog Hop Portal:

An Unsettled View….

Author:

I am myself. I own my life, and live with three other people who own theirs. My intention is to do only those things that bring me joy, and to give myself wholly to those things I do. Writing has been my passion throughout my life, and this will become the home for my writing life...because it brings me great joy!

12 thoughts on “No Golden Ring: May 10, 2015

  1. Shan Jeniah, I can’t imagine how hard that experience was for you. It sounds like you were able to fit some joy into Mother’s Day despite those painful memories. I hope you’re doing well.

    I look forward to hearing more about how you’re doing with t’ai chi. I’ve tried to learn a couple times and kept taking time off, then forgetting, then having to go back to the beginning. It’s way more challenging than it looks!

    Good luck with all of your goals.

    1. We were lucky to have a 22 month old son, so he kept us happy, and gave us another focus. A year later, we had a baby girl, and that was a new focus.

      The day was like life – it began with solitude, filled with love and laughter, blended with turbulence and tears, and ended with affection and acceptance.

      I’m better now – the next “trigger time” is July, so things will be smoother till then.

      I missed t’ai chi today – started out, but had car trouble, and thought it was best to come home. But you’re right – it looks so gentle and flowing, but it takes a lot of learning and effort!

  2. I knew you needed hugs, but… I didn’t go up and give them to you. I’m sorry. Love you still. And no, I know you weren’t expecting/saying/etc. anything about hugs… I just knew. Hopefully the lilacs and the toad, and time with the Accomplice helped ease your heart some, and if not actually fixing things, at least gave you a more settled platform in which to live from.

    1. Today’s a lot better. I can breathe again, and be happy – and know that, as always, July is coming, but then will be gone….

      All a part of living. And not all hugs need to be expressed to be felt. =)

  3. I constantly feel like I’m forgetting something. Like the mother’s day card that’s been sitting on the counter all week and never made it in the mail. Or the treat I was supposed to get for the girl to take to school tomorrow to celebrate her birthday with her class(her birthday is in August, but they’re celebrating summer birthdays at the end of the year).

    I’m sorry yesterday was a rough one for you.

    Listening to Tears in Heaven as I type this and crying. My husband’s uncle sang this at my FiL’s funeral, almost 9 years ago. Still hits me hard every time I hear it.

    1. I hope you remembered the treat (important stuff, that!).

      Today is better. A lot of it is the social expectations that so totally don’t match my life. Little things, like the guy at the taco shop who asked if I’d gotten breakfast in bed – my husband is a chef. He works weekends, and early on Mother’s Day. I’ve had exactly one where he’s been home in 13 years of being a mom. The cashier didn’t know that, and he meant well, but it’s a tender place….

      And that song….such a perfect expression…

      Hugs to you (and maybe put that card in the mail, if you haven’t yet!)

      1. Had my husband pick up some cupcakes on his way home from work last night.

        We went out for breakfast, and I got some crafting stuff and index cards. So, it was a good day(I’m really easy to please).

  4. It’s days like these that can hit us mid section – with memories, tears, sense of loss. My mom has been gone 7 years now and Mother’s Day just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I don’t see my own 3 children today altho all phoned. My hubby’s kids don’t do much for me as well. You made me think of my own loss – I had a miscarriage a year before my daughter was born 30 years ago. Hugs for you Shan.
    Lots of great goal completion – all the best this week.
    Had Tears in Heaven playing the whole time reading your post. Still gets me every time.

    1. That song…I remember when Conor Clapton died. I wan’t a mother yet, but I was horrified at how swiftly a child can be just gone…

      I’m sending you hugs today – I’m estranged from my own mother, because it was the only way to end the abusive dynamic…

      Hugs for your lost little one. It’s a pain that never truly goes away…and that mid-section thing – that’s exactly what happened. The morning? Lovely, lovely, lovely. Then it started to tip, and there was a jagged edge of grief….and now, with my Accomplice home from work and the toad that wandered into our house, and didn’t want to leave, I’m feeling a bit lighter again. More, tomorrow isn’t Mother’s Day. That helps!

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