I’m thinking the name says it all, here, so be warned; this is a post about sex. If that’s not your cuppa tea, might I suggest popping over to sample one or more of these posts, instead:
Speaking of a cuppa, I think I should have another before I begin…
Okay, I’m back.
One of our children, when an infant and toddler, had the nickname Coitus Interrupt Us – for the sake of sparing potential embarrassment for the person in question, I will not say which, although the party has actually granted permission for me to do so.
It was a moniker well earned – there simply did not seem to be a time when we embarked upon a lovemaking journey when this child, even if previously sound asleep (which was most often the case, young children having rather frequent and immediate need for parental attention on a near-constant basis) would suddenly be wide-awake, and usually distraught, hungry, dirty, or all of these.
We tried different parts of the house and different times – it was no good. We got really, really fast – but not fast enough. Our offspring foiled us, again and again and yet again. It was, bluntly, a heckuva dry spell for us.
I’ve always felt that one of the greatest jokes that nature plays on humanity is the way sex creates children, and children can all but eliminate sex from their parents’ lives. We had the most sex when we were hoping to create or add to our family, and by far the least in the first months and years after succeeding at those goals.
There are innumerable commercials that say, in cooing tones, “Having a baby changes everything.”
If you aren’t yet a parent, but hope to be one day, believe it. And know that it means sex, too.
Try to prepare yourself.
And know that it does get easier. Kids have this way of growing up, you see. If you can handle that long mostly-dry spell (not every child has the unerring instinct our young CIU had; our other child was far less apt to catch us ‘in the moment’, as it were), and tend to your wee one’s needs with something approaching good cheer, even when your desires have been thwarted for the nteenth time in the last week, you will – eventually – be rewarded by a child who spends more time engaged in his or her own independent pursuits, or who can sleep for more than an hour or two at a stretch. And my guess is, you’ll be pretty quick – and mightily adept – at making use of those opportunities!
I’m here, with now-older offspring, to tell you that it doesn’t have to be permanent. It may never be as spontaneous or easy as it was in those pre-baby days – but you can get back to a point where sex isnt just that thing you remember longingly from the days before you decided to use it for the purpose of procreation, but something you can do more or less regularly, now.
And, in case this has terrified you, consider this: you will appreciate those moments of closeness a whole lot more, when you know what it is not to be able to find the time to rub moments or lips together for a while.
And, in the between time, there are measures you can take that don’t disrespect your children’s needs – or yours. Once, we set up an afternoon playdate for the kids to hang with their similarly-aged cousins. We did this weeks in advance, and I went out and bought massage products. We spent the entire time the kids were gone on our bed, touching, chatting, and making love – very much the way we had at the very beginning of our relationship. Only, then, we had taken it for granted. With only those precious few hours to know that we wouldn’t be interrupted (barring emergency, that is!), we valued them far more. It’s still a treasured memory, that decadent sunny afternoon when we lolled on our bed as indolent as cats in a sunspot.
By the way, injecting a little humor into the situation can do wonders. That nickname we gave our child was an inside joke between the two of us, back then, a way to laugh when we wanted to scream or cry. It reminded us not to take the whole thing too seriously. And shared laughter can be pretty danged sexy, in its own right – and it can last for years and years – years during which the young purveyor of involuntary parental abstinence will grow….
If you’re a parent, have you had this experience, or is it just our child who was supernaturally talented?